In this course of meditation, we’ve been discussing ethics, karma, posture, requisites for establishing a meditation space, insight, imagination or clairvoyance, and preliminary concentration exercises, the nine stages of meditative serenity, shamatha or calm abiding in Buddhism, which depict the gradations of concentration from a wildly distracted mind to a highly disciplined and relaxed mind―one that is fully focused and concentrated on a specific object or purpose.
The exercises we’ve engaged in throughout this course are meant to help our consciousness develop enough stamina to begin practicing genuine meditation. All this knowledge and, more importantly, its application to our daily life, constitutes our discipline and lays the foundations for working upon the mind.
The reason we meditate is to comprehend the psychological factors that produce suffering, which in our gnostic studies is denominated ego. Meditation is fundamental for understanding what elements, in our mind stream, produce conflict and discord, obscuring the insight and understanding of ourselves that we seek.
People always complain about their inability to speak with divinity, to have an astral projection, some type of supernormal experience that validates the testimonies of the religious scriptures. Very few people want to understand that illumination, powers, astral and jinn experiences, etc., emerge because of the death of the “I,” the “myself,” the pluralized ego.
Everyone wants to go to heaven, yet without leaving behind all their internal filthiness, degeneration, and perversity. But this is impossible. To experience the higher worlds, you need to vibrate at that level of nature. You do so by understanding and removing your defects, by letting go of the baggage you carry all the time. If you want to climb the mountain of initiation, you must remove the heaviness of the ego. Trying to climb a mountain with bags of stones on your back would be silly, right? The same principle applies to the spiritual path. To go higher, you must remove everything that is superfluous and unnecessary for life in the spiritual worlds. The ego is not only unnecessary, but a burden, the central hindrance for entrance into a superior way of life.
We must comprehend how our defects, observed within the field of everyday life, contribute to our suffering and the suffering of others. This should be our prime motivation for studying gnosis―not mystical experiences. It’s funny that many disciples complain about their lack of samadhi, out of body experiences, etc., yet don’t focus on the psychological causes of their ignorance and lack of internal illumination.
If you want light, remove the darkness from your psyche. You must comprehend from direct experience how the ego is suffering, darkness, ignorance, despair. But remember that part of your consciousness, your light, is trapped in each defect. If you want spiritual insight, light, you must comprehend and remove the cages you have placed around it. By annihilating the ego, you awaken consciousness, and therefore produce happiness and spiritual experiences.
But even more important than having experiences, you begin to live life with greater serenity, peace, and intuition, because to perceive how your internal psychological changes truly benefit humanity. We change not only for our own well-being, but for others.
Recognizing how our anger, fear, resentment, hatred, jealousy, and lust make us and others suffer is a profound motivator for change. When we perceive how our egos are the origin of pain, within our mind stream and in relation to others, we become vigilant and determined to enact positive, intuitive action born from the consciousness. This in turn inspires us, knowing how correct psychological states produce harmony, and how negative psychological states produce suffering. By helping humanity, we fulfill the purpose of life, which is sacrifice, love, and service for those who are ignorant.
Meditation on the death of the ego transforms us radically. If desire is not annihilated, we cannot liberate the essence, the consciousness trapped in each ego. While we have ego, we make others suffer. People who do not work on the disintegration of the “I” are not serious people within spiritual or esoteric studies, because people filled with ego cannot be of service to divinity, themselves, or others.
In life, the only thing of importance is a radical, total and definitive change. The rest, frankly, is of no importance at all.
To truly perform meditation, we must learn to be in this world, but not of it. Samael Aun Weor indicates in this same chapter that we must not identify ourselves with external phenomena, to learn what it means to savor the flavor of the work and the flavor of life.
External events constantly fluctuate and provoke psychological responses within our interior on a moment to moment basis. Identification with the desires of the ego squanders the energy of the consciousness and produces suffering. When we allow ourselves to simply “go with the flow” of things, to not resist our instincts, habits, and desires, to think that we are thinking and feel that we are feeling, we are in truth experiencing the mechanical flavor of life. This is also known as identification, wherein we, as a consciousness, identify with our defects and the sufferings of existence.
By learning to consciously observe our five centers: intellect, emotions, movement, instinct, and sex, we catch our different egos spontaneously, many whose existence we never suspected in the least before beginning this work. Life, for the experienced gnostic or meditator, is a gymnasium, a means of extracting knowledge about our diverse defects. When difficulties arise, we must not identify or go with the flow of mechanical reactions, but consciously perceive how each thought, sentiment, and impulse originates from the different “I’s” in our interior. By learning to see the egos in action, we can learn how to separate from them and perform conscious, intuitive action through comprehension.
Problems are in the mind and belong to the mind. Problems in life are resolved when we cease thinking about them, when we cease trying to think or feel our way out of things, but instead simply observe life openly. This open perception is the beginning and foundation of the work.
Life is not an end in itself, but is a means of achieving psychological change. We must take advantage of the most difficult circumstances of life to produce genuine transformation, since when life is hard, our worst egos emerge. If you don’t observe yourself from moment to moment, during great trials, then those terrible “I’s” that need to be disintegrated will not be disintegrated. If the water doesn’t boil at 100 degrees Celsius, through great crises, then your worst defects will not be discovered nor worked upon. If you are not observing yourself, then you are not working, and cannot reap much fruit from meditation, since the material for meditation is what you’ve consciously observed in yourself.
When we cease to react so much to the diverse problems and mechanicity of life, but instead learn to respond with insight, cognizance, understanding, then as a matter of fact we are learning to perceive the flavor of the work.
Everything we have discussed is preparation for retrospection meditation. Retrospection meditation is the daily bread of the gnostics. It has been practiced in Buddhist monasteries and in the great colleges of initiates. After self-observing throughout the day, practitioners would sit down quietly to review their experiences and what egos they caught in action. Using strong concentration, developed through the exercises we’ve taught in this course, as well as clear imagination, which has also been developed through similar discipline, practitioners imagine the different scenes and events of their day. This is with the purpose of understanding the egos observed in relation to such scenes, diving deep into the subconsciousness, unconsciousness, and infraconsciousness, to catch each ego in its roots.
Rigorous self-observation is the beginning. Judgment and complete comprehension of the ego is the second step. Prayer to the Divine Mother for the annihilation of a particular, comprehended “I” is the final step.
Comprehension must be total for a specific defect to be eliminated, hence the need to go within the psychological depths of ourselves in meditation, first by learning to awaken the consciousness through vigilance.
Self-observation and Vigilance
To be vigilant is to be in self-observation all day long. Mindfulness refers to the state of self-observation, moment to moment, all throughout one’s day, every day. Mindfulness is continuity of conscious attention and awareness from morning to evening and back again. Self-observation exists in the moment, but mindfulness is self-observation practiced in each moment of the day and the evening, including when the physical body goes to sleep at night and when we, as a consciousness and an ego, enter the astral world. There is no rest in self-observation if we want to self-discover ourselves. The continuity of consciousness applies to the study of our dreams when we awake in the morning, when we analyze how conscious we were within the fifth dimension, the astral and mental worlds.
We must seriously analyze how long we are able to maintain conscious attention throughout each day if we want to comprehend and eliminate the factors that produce the sleep of the consciousness. We must analyze how long we are able to maintain awareness of ourselves, whether it is for a few moments, a few minutes, an hour. We must pinpoint where in our day we tend to forget ourselves, when we are not aware of what we are doing, and why.
Daydreaming, thinking of other things instead of focusing on the task at hand, indicates that our consciousness is asleep. This type of mental, emotional, and internal behavior must stop if we want to be competent meditators, because to meditate, we must cease dreaming in our intellectual, emotional, motor, instinctual, and sexual centers. The ego projects its fantasies, its desires, through the five cylinders of our human machine, to make us sleep, to dream.
When we recognize that we are dreaming, that we are not present, then we are beginning to awaken consciousness, to cease being distracted, to be focused.
The Four Components of Meditation
Remember that for retrospection meditation to be fruitful, we must fulfill four factors:
For meditation on the death of the ego to be effective, we must never forget what we are doing. To work on the ego, we must have strong enough concentration that we are always remembering what we are doing in our practice, not being distracted and thinking whatever the ego wants us to think.
We also need to be completely relaxed. Many people get tense when reflecting on their own defects and negativity. This is wrong. How can you go deep into yourself, in meditation, if your fists are clenched? When your mind is in turmoil? You will simply remain in your body, churning with negative thinking and emotions.
Relaxation is aided through pranayama and mantras. The energies of these exercises will rejuvenate the mind and body, and help the five cylinders of your human machine to reach a state of equanimity.
Prayer is also fundamental throughout meditation. Begin your exercise by invoking your Being, asking for help. When the heart opens, the mind will settle. It is impossible for the mind to change anything, because the mind is not divine. Only the Divine Mother, your Divine Father, can give you peace, stability, and insight. Therefore, begin your sessions with prayer, which doesn’t have to be formulaic, but sincere.
To pray is to talk with God, who is your real Being. God is not outside of you, but within the most profound levels of your consciousness. Simply communicate your longings, your aspirations, your needs, and your sufferings, and your heart. The Divine Mother always answers the call of Her child, as Dante depicted at the end of the Divine Comedy through the invocation of the divine feminine, the Virgin Mary:
Virgin Mother, daughter of your Son,
Lastly, alongside firm concentration, deep relaxation, and profound prayer, imagination must be harmoniously clear and developed. We will discuss the importance of imagination again, in detail, in this lecture. These four factors aid the meditator in knowing him or herself.
Internal Silence and Spiritual Insight
Retrospection meditation is well explained in Samael Aun Weor’s The Revolution of the Dialectic. This is an essential book to know by heart, through practice, since it will teach you how to meditate and eliminate the ego. It is also important to know the teachings of Treatise of Revolutionary Psychology and The Great Rebellion as well, since the techniques of self-observation, mindfulness, remembrance, silence and serenity of mind, and comprehension are well explained there.
When these principles are developed in us, self-knowledge is the outcome:
Upon the mysterious threshold of the Temple of Delphi, a Greek maxim existed, which was engraved in the stone and stated: Homo Nosce te Ipsum, “Man know thyself and thou shalt know the Universe and the Gods.” In the final instance, it is obvious, evident, and clear that the study of oneself and serene reflection conclude in the quietude and in the silence of the mind. ―Samael Aun Weor, The Revolution of the Dialectic
Serene reflection is a technical term, denominated Mo Chao amongst the Chinese Buddhists, or fikrat amongst the Sufis. Serenity refers to a profound psychological state of calmness, concentration and focus, which we discussed in the previous lecture on the nine stages of meditative serenity, calm abiding. Serenity refers to stability of attention, a state of concentration that cannot be disturbed by anything, a mind that is calm, relaxed, but profoundly attentive. Serenity is the basis or foundation for entering genuine meditation.
Reflection refers to imagination, the capacity to perceive or visualize, a state of clear cognition or perception. When we obtain serenity, then the consciousness can reflect the images of the superior worlds within the screen of our imagination, which needs to be developed, sharpened, and exercised through discipline.
Your mind can be referred to as a lake, which can reflect the images of the stars, the heavens, when it is calm. But if the lake is churning with waves, if it is disturbed, it cannot reflect anything clearly. The same with the mind. Without serenity, you cannot see anything inside of yourself. Therefore, every genuine school of initiation or spiritual studies taught disciples how to obtain serenity. Without serenity, there can be no imagination, no clear seeing, no insight.
To perceive superior images within meditation, the mind must be serene, the skies of the intellect must be free of clouds. In the internal planes, the skies represent the mind. If they are cloudy, it means our imagination is obscured. To see stars and heavenly objects signifies illumination, comprehension, and perception of the divine.
This state is not something vague or ambiguous, but is defined by its pristine cognition, its clarity, profundity, and depth. It is a psychological way of seeing that is very precise and crisp, not vaporous or obscure. When you receive images or experiences within meditation, it is because you are awakening consciousness and entering the first stage of initiation, which is imagination. Inspiration and Intuition follow, as we discussed in the previous lecture.
Serenity and imagination, calm abiding and special insight, produce comprehension, ecstasy, samadhi.
When the mind is quiet and in silence (not only in the intellectual level, but in each and every one of the forty-nine subconscious departments) then the Newness emerges. The Essence, the Consciousness, comes out of the bottle, and the awakening of the soul, the Ecstasy, the Samadhi, occurs. The daily practice of Meditation transforms us radically. People who do not work on the annihilation of the “I” are like butterflies that flutter from one school to another. They have yet to find their center of permanent gravity. Therefore, they die as failures, without ever having achieved the inner Self-realization of their Being. ―Samael Aun Weor, The Revolution of the Dialectic
When the Essence is liberated from the mind, it experiences comprehension that sparks, that shocks the consciousness. This comes in the form of insight like a lightning bolt from the dark clouds of ignorance, from the dullness of the mind. When we train our consciousness in serenity and insight, comprehension emerges spontaneously from the skies of understanding to provide guidance in our work.
The Permanent Center of Gravity
The permanent center of gravity signifies something profound for gnostic disciples. It refers to the level of being, tendencies, or focus for serious practitioners of meditation and the psychological death of the ego.
Each person has a center of gravity in something, in accordance with the tendencies, qualities, and dispensations of one’s character and mind. Some people have their center of gravity in football, in sports; others in alcohol, in books, in education; some in studies of law, martial arts, or whatnot. People gravitate towards certain activities, traditions, occupations, and knowledge because of their psychological qualities, which tends to be egotistical.
Because we possess so many different egos, different selves or “I’s” with their own agendas, plans, and itineraries, we tend to gravitate towards many types of activities and studies that are, in light of esoterism and meditation, truly pointless, useless. We have no permanent center or sense of self. In one moment the “I” of gluttony wants to satisfy its hunger; in the next an intellectual “I” wants to read a book; in the following moment an “I” of lust takes over in relation to our spouse; in the next moment the egos or “I’s” of jealousy and hatred take over.
Different egos take over in different moments of life, which most people are not even minutely aware of. We are puppets controlled by invisible strings, personalities moved about by the subconscious impulses of the pluralized ego. The multifarious states of our existence demonstrate that we don’t have genuine control over our own life, because different egos always push us and make us gravitate towards different things in different circumstances. We don’t have true autonomy of will, because we are walking contradictions, people with many wills. Since we are not true individuals, in possession of an integrated psyche, we possess many minds; we move in conflicting directions, in multiple ways.
Examine your mind. Where is your center of gravity? What type of thoughts, feelings, and impulses do you gravitate towards and act upon? What types of activities do you move towards and perform? What are the types of people you relate to and why? This topic regarding the psychological center of gravity relates to everything one says, does, and acts upon; everything one deliberates, thinks about, and enacts because of each ego we possess in the subconsciousness, unconsciousness, and infraconsciousness.
Most people have their center of gravity in superfluous, egotistical things; many people have their center of gravity in activities rooted in lust, hatred, or pride. Rarely does someone shift their center of gravity within the gnostic teachings.
When someone longs to change this boring situation, this constant identification with desire, it’s because they recognize their ignorance and suffering. People who want to stop suffering begin self-observation, begin to recognize that they are not in control of their own life. This recognition radically transforms the student, because he or she recognizes the prison of the ego, how the pluralized “I” is the agent and cause of suffering. By recognizing that one is in prison, one can plan to escape, to change, to possess true spirituality, individuality, to escape psychological pain. If this occurs, it is because the Being of that person is pushing the soul to study and practice.
Through a continuity of purpose, through consistency of practice, disciples begin to love the gnostic knowledge and to apply its principles to daily living. By comprehending and annihilating different egos, different selves, specific “I’s,” consciousness is liberated. The percentage of awakened consciousness grows little by little through daily work, forming a nucleus within which the disciple becomes truly cognizant, awakened, and divine. Disciples who have worked on their ego for many years, every day, who have annihilated many defects through the help of their Divine Mother, have done so because they have first studied, loved, and lived this doctrine profoundly. They develop more profound love as they see the fruits of their psychological labor. They have oriented their entire lives around the practice of meditation, comprehension, and annihilation of desire due to a love of the teachings and the love of their result.
When a disciple has annihilated a lot of ego, due to his or her consistency in the daily practice of retrospection meditation, then he or she can develop what is called a permanent center of gravity in the consciousness: to always be attentive, alert, and awake as a soul, in every moment of life, both in the physical and in the internal worlds. Such a person constitutes a truly awakened citizen of the universe, of the cosmos. This process is only realized through daily meditation, comprehension, and annihilation of the subjective self, the ego, the “I.”
Impressions, Mental Dualism, and the Battle of the Antitheses
When discussing the nature of retrospection meditation, we must remind our students about the role of impressions in this work.
Life truly does not have any other form for us except through impressions. When we walk in a forest, we can say that the impressions of the forest enter our senses, our mind, through its smells, colors, light, contours, shapes, etc. We would never make the absurd declaration that a tree is literally in our mind. What we experience of life are impressions, whether tactile, visual, olfactory, auditory, sensual, gustatory, etc. These impressions reach our senses and are then perceived by the mind, and even the consciousness if we train and awaken it to receive and transform impressions.
There also exist psychological impressions, such as thoughts, feelings, and motor-instinctive-sexual impulses, which surge within us from moment to moment.
Regardless of what people think, we can say without fear of error that humanity places more importance on the internal world of impressions than on the exterior world. This is well demonstrated by experience, since most people live more identified with their psychological reactions and impressions than on the external world itself.
Observe yourself. When you are in a conversation with another person, are you listening to what he or she has to say? Are you sure that your mind is not commenting on everything you see? In relation to this person, are you genuinely listening with a receptive, clear mind without making any mental commentary, or are you just waiting for the moment to state your point of view, to say what you want to say, ignoring what is going on? Where do you place more importance, on listening? Or by waiting to state what you are thinking and feeling?
We are always commenting, in our mind, in relation to each phenomenon we encounter. People are always lost in their internal world, their internal chatter, never listening or objectively perceiving what is really happening in the external world. Although someone criticizes us and we smile sweetly, are we sure that we are not, internally, swearing and mistreating our critic, dragging him or her within the recesses of our psyche to do whatever we will?
While people live more in their internal world, we tend to ignore this fact, placing emphasis on the external. Yet if we examine our experience, we can see that we live more within our world of thoughts and emotions than in the external senses.
According to Immanuel Kant, the “external is merely a reflection of the internal.” Life has no other existence than in its impressions which reach our senses, and the mind, the intellect, the ego, is always labeling and commenting on what is perceived. This is something any beginning meditator realizes, that the mind cannot stop talking or commenting on everything that is perceived. This internal chatter certainly makes us very weak and poor people, in a spiritual sense.
The mind also works like a pendulum, swinging between the extremes of craving and aversion, like and dislike, pleasure and pain. The mind always seeks pleasant impressions and rejects unpleasant impressions. This constant chase for pleasures and avoidance of sufferings is what keeps the consciousness asleep, hypnotized, unaware.
One awakens consciousness by learning to comprehend mental dualism: the constant flight from painful impressions and the craving for pleasant impressions―which constitutes the hypnosis of the mind. Retrospection meditation helps us to comprehend the true nature of impressions and to no longer be attached to what one perceives―to live in the eternal present in remembrance of the eternality of the Being, which is beyond the transience of material life.
Regarding binaries, the mind always labels phenomena, experiences, in dualistic ways. If someone is short, we want to say that they are not tall. If someone is angry, we want to say that they are not content, at peace. Every ego thinks in dualistic terms, in binaries, in two poles of thought: affirmation or negation of impressions.
The logic of pride is “I deserve this position,” “I am better than such-and-such a person.” However, the logic of shame is the same form of pride, but inverted, “I don’t deserve to be praised,” “I am lowly,” “I am not worthy.” Pride can polarize in two ways, in self-affirmation, or self-negation. When a person receives certain impressions of life, the ego of the individual might affirm or negate that impression either through self-esteem or shame, self-mortification. The ego is always affirming or denying the impressions of life that flow in succession through the senses and within the mind.
The ego is always affirming or negating the impressions of life, never comprehending it. Within the Fourth Way school of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky, affirmation is the first force the enacts, that initiates, that proposes. Anger is always affirming its frustrated desires, “I deserve better than this!” “I want; I crave, I need” or “I earned that promotion… I should have received it, not my co-worker…” Or anger might negate the same impressions of life, “I don’t deserve this,” or “I never should have done that!” Affirmation, negation. The same dynamic is experienced with fear, uncertainty, or the psychological need for security which says, “I don’t want to lose my job!” Or “I need to pay my bills.” The ego is always affirming itself or denying the experiences and impressions of life, denying the reality that one faces moment by moment.
The ego always goes between two extremes: like, dislike; pleasure, pain; happiness, sadness; hatred, love; pride, shame, etc. The ego is dualistic and does not know how to respond to life with rectitude and a genuine sense of responsibility, with spiritual insight or understanding. Going between the extremes of craving and aversion creates a battle in the mind, a battle of antithetical influences: affirmation and negation. The mind knows no rest, is constantly agitated, and therefore the person who begins meditation realizes that the mind is crazy, cannot sit still, because the tendency of the mind is to run towards pleasures and to run away from suffering, meanwhile experiencing a constant state of suffering and ignorance of the nature of reality, both within and without. This forms a pendulum that produces the hypnosis of the soul.
This type of thinking certainly makes life very mechanical and painful. This constant act of affirming or denying the impressions of life is a profound state of suffering. The ego, desire, is affliction, because it is a condition, an energy that was not transformed in the past. We created the ego because we received certain impressions in the past that we were not conscious of―such experiences or impressions entered the senses and the mind and we did not know how to take it. We transformed the energy of the impression in an unconscious way, thereby trapping our consciousness within conditioning, within such impressions that were not transformed in the moment through comprehension.
To escape suffering, we learn to comprehend the duality of the ego by working with a third force: comprehension, the consciousness, which is an intelligence more profound and meaningful than the mind. By comprehending and annihilating the ego, we learn to transform the impressions with wisdom, understanding and power.
Comprehension produces serenity. Remember that serenity is developed in levels, in the form of the nine stages of meditative concentration as described in our lecture on Calm Abiding. To move beyond craving and aversion, we must awaken consciousness and first: observe these tendencies within ourselves, and second: renounce them.
Awakened consciousness is the capacity to see and comprehend without intellectual dualism, disturbances in the mind. Consciousness is the third force within the Fourth Way system―affirmation and negation, with all their conflict, reach a synthesis through the third force: reconciliation. Consciousness is the force of reconciliation, synthetic knowledge, the synthesis of all things. When impressions enter the senses, the consciousness, if it is trained and disciplined, can receive such impressions and transform them, reconcile them within the soul, through understanding their inherent emptiness, their impermanence. By seeing life in its true sense, as a transient thing, as ever changing, never-constant, we learn not to identify ourselves with setbacks of misfortunes, because we no longer are identified or attached to phenomena, to impressions.
By seeing a phenomenon, the awakened consciousness immediately apprehends its significance and meaning without the need to think, to debate, to argue or intellectualize. Consciousness is synthesis, reconciliation of disparate forces in the psyche. By learning to observe ourselves, our psychological states, and their relationship with the impressions of external events, we develop comprehension of the internal causes of suffering and learn to transform the mind. By observing our ego in action and learning not to give it the energy it wants, we develop serenity and the foundations for entering genuine meditation. By renouncing egotistical desires, we empower our consciousness. This is the path of creative comprehension.
The awakening of the Consciousness is only possible by means of liberating ourselves from mental dualism and by emancipating ourselves from the struggle of the antitheses or from intellectual surges. Any subconscious, infraconscious, or unconscious submerged struggle is converted into an impediment for the liberation of the Essence (soul). Every antithetical battle (as insignificant and unconscious as it might appear) indicates, accuses, and aims to obscure points that are ignored and unknown within the atomic infernos of the human being. To reflect, observe, and know these infrahuman aspects, these obscure points of oneself, is indispensable in order to achieve the absolute quietude and silence of the mind. Only in the absence of the “I” is it possible to experience and live the integral revolution and the revolution of the dialectic. ―Samael Aun Weor, The Revolution of the Dialectic
Introversion, Analysis, and Comprehension of the “I”
Comprehension is essential and constitutes the central dynamic of meditation. However, we cannot gather material for meditation, for comprehension, if we are not observing ourselves in daily life.
Self-observation is seeing each ego in action, separating and looking at its thoughts, feelings, and impulses. It is not enough to tell oneself, “I will not identify with this problem, this ego, this self.” Who is the “I” or self here? Who is observing whom? The consciousness must learn to observe, free from any sense of self or “I,” that “I am doing this,” or “I am not doing this.” Consciousness is perception free of the ego, the “I,” or myself. Our genuine identity is not our self-esteem, our pride, but the pure quality of seeing, of perceiving without thought, without labeling.
Telling yourself that you will not be angry or identified at work is useless, because the egos of anger or identification will continue to exist in the psyche. Instead, learning to pay attention without the sense of an observer, of a self within that perception, is what will allow your consciousness to gather self-knowledge.
You must learn to see yourself, your ego, as an actor in the film of life. Your consciousness is the director viewing the scene, observing. For example, you can be at work when your boss criticizes you for something you did. In that moment, anger emerges, followed by hurt self-esteem, pride and arrogance, and afterward resentment.
In a single moment, four egos have emerged in succession, in order, each with their own respective thoughts, feelings, and impulses. Every ego has three brains: its own thinking, feeling, and desires, or ways of acting. All these interactions, thoughts, impulses, desires, must be observed in minute detail with the consciousness, to provide us material or food for meditation. All of this constitutes the first step of meditation, which is self-discovery.
Self-discovery is the first form of comprehension, when you realize with astonishment, “I am consciousness, and I am not these egos!” You witness yourself as a spectator and an actor, a witness and the witnessed. Your consciousness is awake, perceiving all these things, gathering data about those diverse psychological defects, those enemies of the Being within. When you see that you are not pride, self-esteem, arrogance, fear, resentment, etc., you experience a spark of joy, of initial comprehension that truly inspires you but also fills you with remorse. With just reason, Samael Aun Weor stated that the greatest joy of the gnostic is the discovery of one of his or her defects, because a discovered defect will become a dead defect through the process of retrospection meditation.
In the path of self-analysis, we always must take into consideration the psychological state of the ego, the external event and impressions that provoked it, and the succession of defects that emerge within the screen of our awareness―examining the interaction of all these factors, especially in how these defects work together, because they are related. Each ego works with others. It’s rare to find an ego that flies solo. Instead, the ego processes itself in series, like the manufacturing of cars. Each car, each ego, relates, feeds upon, and strengthens the others. This is important to remember as we analyze specific events and their impact upon our psyche.
In such moments of self-discovery, we understand how destructive each ego is. We also learn how to act consciously, with intuition, with greater rectitude and love. In the example I provided, we can be at work when our boss criticizes us, whereby we discover four egos and their successive states, flavor, and reactions within our psyche. Not only should we be focusing on perceiving each defect in action, but we should be working to use our consciousness to know how to respond to our boss with kindness and compassion―not because it is economically viable, so that we don’t lose our job. This is certainly important. However, more importantly, we learn to receive the negative impressions of our fellow men and women with love, because it is the right thing to do, the conscious thing to perform, so that we don’t harm the other person or create problems for ourselves.
The ego only knows how to react to life. Yet the consciousness, in its introversion, its reflective attitude, and internal comprehension, only knows how to respond to life in the appropriate way, intuitively―knowing what to say, think, and do in the right place and right time. This is creative comprehension, cognizance, understanding.
Acting in this way, with compassion, with patience, and tolerance for our fellow men and women, is what produces the greatest relations and harmony amongst others. To express what these four egos want, in their multiplicity, in their negativity, is to perpetuate suffering.
This is, of course, a very difficult thing to do. You must examine the impressions entering the mind, the psychological reaction of the ego towards the external event, and learn how to negotiate the two with consciousness, to transform the unpleasant impressions you are receiving with comprehension, with gladness, with that intuitive knowledge or knowing of what to say, do, and act in the precise moment. People sometimes ask us, in relation to such situations, “What do I do? How do I act in this situation when such-and-such happens? When I am being criticized? Do I just observe what is going on?” Self-observation is important, but you must transform the impressions you are experiencing, external and internal, through cognizance, by knowing what virtues to enact in such moments by following the inner voice of your conscience, which is the spiritual sense of knowing right from wrong. You can’t just stand there when your boss is criticizing you! You must respond, and that is the key. The consciousness knows how to act virtuously. But the ego, the mind, anger, resentment, pride, fear, only knows how to react to life, and this is different.
The only way to develop right action is to first observe, so that in the precise moment you can comprehend the impressions that you are experiencing, specifically by being relaxed. If you are tense and identified with your mental tension, you will only give your ego the energies it wants, and thereby perpetuate conflict in critical moments, like when you’re being criticized by your employer. Relaxation is key; serenity is essential. Don’t identify with the situation, because you must learn to see life like a movie. Everything will pass. Nothing is permanent. To let the mind waste energy and get carried away by transient things is truly silly. Therefore, respond to life with understanding, with compassion. Don’t react. Be intentional about what you do through comprehension, through intuition, which is the faculty of knowing what to do without needing to think about it.
Recently, when my boss criticized me for a mistake I committed, I learned to receive the unpleasant impressions gladly. I, as a consciousness, discovered certain defects within myself, in those instances, that I never suspected having. I felt tremendous happiness for seeing my egos, and, rather than let resentment take control of my three brains, thanked my employer for his criticism. Such an action totally diffused the tension. It was a win-win situation: my boss felt secure that I could do my job correctly, and secondly, I discovered certain egos that I needed to eliminate, and that I worked upon intensely with my Divine Mother because I discovered them in action.
In the case of an employer who criticizes us for something we did not do, we can learn to respond with kindness, stating our point of view, that we are being misjudged, yet without using anger―instead, we use compassion. We can establish boundaries and be honest when we are not in the wrong, yet we do not need to be filled with hatred, reacting in resentment. This is the difference between someone who is unconscious and someone who knows how to live uprightly, with cognizance, rectitude, and love.
When you live life in this way, you learn to receive with gladness the unpleasant manifestations of your fellow men and women, because such people provoke your most hidden defects, bringing them to the surface of your consciousness. The gnostic feels immense joy when seeing the ego in action, when discovering defects, because those discovered defects will become dead defects in retrospection meditation.
The Three Steps for Eliminating the Ego
The first step in this path of meditation is discovery: see the ego in action. Gather data through self-observation. The next is to comprehend such egos in their roots in meditation, through reviewing your day. Once you comprehend the profound significance of each defect, you can move into the final stage: prayer to your Divine Mother for elimination.
Remember that in war, spies are first watched, then judged in court, and then executed. The same with the ego, according to Samael Aun Weor. The ego is a criminal, a spy, who has trapped our consciousness. Therefore, to achieve psychological liberation, we must follow this specific procedure.
You need to see what egos you need to comprehend. You cannot work on what you don’t see. When you gather psychological data about the ego, then you can bring that material into meditation, to contemplate it. The more material you have to meditate upon, the better.
The ego is a multiplicity and possesses many profound roots within the abysses and caverns of the mind. Some egos are superficial and easy to catch, yet the worst habits, the most profound tendencies, the most ancient roots of suffering, exist not only within the subconsciousness, but in the unconscious and infraconscious depths of the mind. Intellectual egos tend to be slow; emotional egos are quick, harder to catch; the same with instinctive and motor egos; however, sexual egos are the quickest and most insidious, originating from our infraconscious animal psyche. We may observe a lustful element in self-observation, yet to comprehend it fully, we must go beyond mental dualism and see the ego within our internal worlds, which we can only access through profound meditation.
Therefore, to meditate on the ego, one must close of all the senses and introspect, ignoring any distraction in the physical world. By going inside the consciousness, by entering the internal worlds in meditation, the practitioner learns to catch the ego in its most profound roots, individually, one at a time.
As Samael Aun Weor explained, meditation on the ego is like catching a hare, a rabbit. Go for one at a time, because someone who tries to chase ten hares at once will get nowhere. Therefore, concentrate on one defect you observed and work to comprehend it fully, visualizing the scene in which that defect emerged in your daily life. Exclude everything else until understanding emerges, spontaneously, when the mind is in silence and when you are waiting for the answer from your Divine Mother Kundalini. Through comprehension, we pray to our Divine Mother to eliminate. This is how one should proceed, in synthesis, but we will elaborate upon this process when discussing Samael Aun Weor’s writing on Blue Time or Rest Therapeutics, otherwise known as Retrospection Meditation.
The Principles of Retrospection: Blue Time or Rest Therapeutics
According to Samael Aun Weor in The Revolution of the Dialectic:
Blue time or rest therapeutics has basic rules without which it would be impossible to emancipate ourselves from the mortifying shackles of the mind. ―Samael Aun Weor, The Revolution of the Dialectic
While these different rules are presented in sequence, they work more in the form of principles that elaborate one another, since they are different aspects of the same thing. This is not a checklist you must fanatically observe in rigid sequence when you sit to practice. These instead are qualities of experience and practice that support and integrate with one another, here and now, in an organic, intuitive, and dynamic way that you will learn by applying them daily.
We chose this image because the waters symbolize the energies of sexuality that will develop internal serenity. The boat symbolizes, in the internal worlds, the Ark of the Covenant or Great Arcanum, the path of transmutation and chastity. Without chastity, as we’ve explained in depth before, we cannot acquire calmness of the senses or the mind.
Combine drowsiness with meditation. Serenity and relaxation is essential. Meditation without drowsiness damages the brain, as Samael Aun Weor explained. It is necessary to learn how to provoke drowsiness at will, to produce a profound state of relaxation accompanied with a rigorous, sharp perception. You develop this capacity through daily practice and by working with profound breathing.
Usually we tend to run around throughout our daily activities without any awareness of our thoughts or emotions, let alone our own body. If you have time during the day, take five-minute breaks in the middle of work and concentrate on your breath. Breathe deeply, inhaling through your nostrils and exhaling through your mouth. Relax, and allow your mind, heart, and body to settle. Inhale for six seconds, retain the breath for six seconds, and exhale from your lungs for six seconds, counting mentally.
Samael Aun Weor explained in his writings that we must learn to relax our body constantly throughout the day, since we tend to carry unconscious tension with us when we return home and sit to meditate. You cannot meditate if you are identified with the body, when the body, emotions, and mind are tense. The solution is to take breaks, if possible, breathe profoundly, and observe your psychological states.
Self-observation, introspection, is serene and calm. Simply looking within oneself can produce mental peace and calm, whereby you as a consciousness learn not to identify with any thoughts, projections, or concepts in the mind. Observe and relax. This is especially important when we are experiencing ordeals, such as when our boss or co-workers criticize us. We experience egos of anger or pride in those moments, but if we are self-observing, we catch these defects in action and cease identifying ourselves with these elements.
If we are churning with negative thoughts, negative emotions, and negative impulses to act, the solution can be to step aside for five minutes and introspect, focusing on our breath, relaxing our mind, and observing the defects in action; to look at what is going on psychologically, yet without giving the ego our energy or will. This is very simple in theory, and might seem juvenile for some. However, this is a practical reality for people entering genuine meditation, and constitutes a principle most people never experience, simply because they are not interested in knowing themselves, but are identified with life. People tend to just go with the flow of the mind, and never seek to comprehend or resist it.
When your body relaxes, your mind can relax, and vice versa. Mental tension is the source of physical tension. If your mind gestates with thoughts, your body is agitated, then it becomes difficult to look within. If your mind is at peace, your body settles. Frequent breaks for introspection, deep breathing, stretching, and relaxation throughout your day will go a long way towards your meditative discipline, so that when you go home to retrospect your day, you can easily enter a state of physical and psychological serenity without effort.
If you can, you should also perform pranayama or silent mantras in the mind during your breaks, so that you circulate energy. This also is profoundly effective for calming the three brains or psychological centers, a dynamic that is beautifully explained with Kabbalah. With conscious willpower (Tiphereth) we learn to observe, control, and relax thought (Netzach), emotions (Hod), energy (Yesod), and physicality (Malkuth). When these five lower Sephiroth are relaxed in us, we can go higher upon the Tree of Life through experiencing meditation itself.
When the mind and body are calm, the lake of the mind can receive the superior messages and images of the internal worlds, directly from our Innermost Being. Do not move your body during your practice, since any movement disturbs the waters of the mind and prevents you from accessing the internal planes. Our posture, according to Swami Sivananda, must be as solid as a mountain throughout the entirety of our practice. Yet this does not signify rigidity or discomfort. When you are fully relaxed, when you have established your asana, you can forget the body. Be still like a mountain so that you can move beyond the body and access the deeper states of the psyche.
In retrospection, we seek to review the events of the day. We place within the screen of our imagination all the events and psychological states we experienced in the day; what are the observable facts of our internal states in relation to external events?
We will find that there are periods in our day that we remember more or less clearly, and other periods that are just darkness, where we can’t remember what we were thinking, feeling, or even doing.
What are we looking for in retrospection? Due to the mechanical life that he lives in, the intellectual animal forgets the Self. Thus, he falls into fascination. He goes around with his Consciousness asleep, without remembering what he did at the moment of rising from his bed, without knowing the first thoughts of the day, his actions, and the places he has been. ―Samael Aun Weor, The Revolution of the Dialectic
It’s important to reflect upon these moments of obscurity and loss of memory to comprehend how we lost our vigilance, our mindfulness. When, how, and why did we forget ourselves, our Being? Discovering the answer will aid us in knowing which defects are strong in us, which put us to sleep without us even knowing it. This forgetfulness is represented by the loss of leaves in this image, the loss of memory.
Retrospection also documents those psychological states that were particularly disturbing, pointing towards certain egos that must be comprehended and annihilated immediately, before other defects. We must imagine the scene in which these specific egos manifested. What are the specific facts of their emergence, their impact, and their actions? What did we think, say, or do? Did we give in to those egos, or did we deny them in the moment? Did we act justly towards our fellow men and women? Analyze and be honest!
The key is not to twist and let the mind change facts. Just observe the facts of what you perceived. The ego will attempt to distort the scene in our imagination, to hide itself through the psychological force of resistance. The ego always resists analysis as we affirm the practice of retrospection in ourselves. The mind does not want to be understood because this will lead to its mystical death. However, by imagining the scene as it is and asking for insight from our Divine Mother, comprehension, the synthesis, the third force of reconciliation, will aid us in these difficult moments.
3. Serene Reflection
Serene reflection occurs when we analyze our mind and our mood. Like the lake that reflects the beautiful mountains, a symbol of the Being and of initiation, the austerity and majesty of God, so does the serene mind reflect the images of the superior worlds.
When we sit to practice, we must not only relax, but observe our mind and mood. What are we feeling and thinking? As we retrospect, we can serenely reflect on our psychological state, to be aware of ourselves here and now, to see what is going on internally. With stability of concentration and thorough introspection, we look to see what egos are acting in us here and now, so as to go deeper…
As we introspect, the ego, the mind, presents multiple forms of opposition and resistance, such as through laziness, justification, repression, and other games of the mind that seek to hide its errors from the scrutiny of conscious investigation. The ego states, “I am too tired to practice; I want to watch television instead!” Such logic constitutes the fallacy of the ego: the lies the mind perpetuates to cover its mistakes. Laziness or inertia is a profound way that the ego keeps us hypnotized and asleep, yet this is easily remedied through profound psychoanalysis and internalization.
Psychoanalysis is a popular term used by Freud and Jung, yet in gnostic studies signifies the direct perception and analyses of the roots of the ego. Meaning: we are sitting in a relaxed state, we are introverting ourselves, and we are seeking to identify and analyze the root of each memory, image, mental association, problem, sentiment, feeling, thought that emerges within our psyche. We look at their roots and ask ourselves, “Where is this coming from and why?” You do not need to literally state this question, but this is a form of attitude we need in this practice.
Comprehension from psychoanalysis emerges when we begin to perceive where thoughts and feelings emerge, in the same manner as when we fall asleep at night and suddenly start to see dream images, and hear voices, chatter, sounds from the subconsciousness, which come from the pluralized ego that is about to separate from the physical body through an astral projection. While most people experience this process unconsciously, with gnostic psychoanalysis, we learn to provoke drowsiness at will and to observe the roots of each memory, image, sound, etc., as they emerge spontaneously within us.
Psychoanalysis describes how and why the mind functions, like in this image: what are the parts of the psyche? How are they formed? Why do they function as they do? Why does this ego think, feel, and act the way it does in this precise moment? Psychoanalysis answers these questions.
5. Mantralization or Koan
To have energy to perform psychoanalysis, we work with mantra.
Mantra simply means “mind protection.” We are guarding our mind against negative influences, to armor our consciousness in the path of self-knowledge against the ego. Mantras or sacred sounds help to energize the psyche. They help to produce firmness of will; a pliant, robust, and flexible consciousness that knows how to act in any circumstance, in any direction, at any time, without exertion.
A koan is a riddle, a question you pose to the mind in order to silence it, such as the Zen question: “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” The purpose with mantras or koans is to help the mind to be quiet. By asking a question that the mind can’t answer, in any way, shape, or form, the mind with its thinking becomes exhausted, entering into silence and quietude. Mantras are forms of koans, since each mantra possesses an esoteric meaning that is only accessible to the consciousness, when the mind is receptive and in silence.
Mantras can be used at the beginning of a meditation session to prepare the body, heart, and mind. They can also be used during a meditation when probing into the subconsciousness, or at the end when we ask for annihilation for a comprehended defect.
Prayers like Fons Alpha, the Conjuration of the Four and the Seven, etc., can help to reject negative influences both within and without, to help you go within the mind and to prepare your space for meditation. We have countless mantras in this tradition that you can work with. I recommend Om Tat Sat, or Om Masi Padme Hum for beginners, and even the mantra Wu, as explained by Samael Aun Weor in his writings.
A profound mantra for invoking divine energy is Klim Krishnaya Govindaya Gopijana Vallabaya Swaha. This mantra invokes Christ into the mind, heart, and body, forming the gnostic pentagram to protect the consciousness against distractions and egotistical afflictions. We have included a video from Glorian.org to help with its pronunciation.
Mantras can be sung, whispered, or chanted in a prolonged manner, in accordance with your needs and dispositions. This mantra, like any other, can be chanted as many times as needed. It is good to pronounce mantras out loud to charge the body and mind with energy, to experience its vibration in your body, before going into mental recitation or Japa, otherwise referring to silent recitation.
6. Superlative Analysis
In superlative analysis we work on self-analysis and self-discovery. We included in this image many mirrors that reflect one upon the other. This refers to a state of conscious introspection whereby we go deeper into the mind to discover and analyze the root causes of an ego beyond the physical body.
In what past life did we create a specific ego? What does this ego feed or subsist upon? What impressions nourish it? What are its associates? What are its mechanisms? How does it function? Of course, this is all purely mechanical. The ego thinks its smarter than God, than the Being, but in truth is a very subjective and mechanical thing. The advantage that we have as a consciousness, along with the Being, is that the soul and the Being are not mechanical, but intuitive, objective.
Superlative analysis helps us to comprehend this subjectivity, this mechanicity, through discovering the roots of the ego and analyzing how it functions within the forty-nine levels of the subconsciousness, unconsciousness, and infraconsciousness. This knowledge or analysis can occur through mystical experiences in the astral and mental worlds, which become realized through the persistent reflection of the consciousness, represented by the mirrors of this image.
Comprehension occurs in degrees, as we mentioned. When we have fully comprehended the deep significance of a specific ego, we experience a spark of understanding, an “Ah hah!” moment. This is inner judgment.
We see in this image the last judgment of Christ. On his right are those souls being initiated into the path of psychological and mystical death, purity, and chastity. The souls on his left are those demons that have entered the black path of fornication, degeneration, and fortification of desire, egotism.
The people entering hell are also a representation of all the egos entering submerged devolution within the mineral kingdom. Christ has a sword in his left hand, heralding the justice, severity and damnation of the lost souls in the abyss, whereas Christ carries a palm branch of victory for those solar initiates to his right, symbolizing the path of victory, comprehension, and inner judgment in meditation.
Self-judgment refers to how, through the perception of Christ in us, we learn to separate the wheat from the chaff, the flames from the smoke, the consciousness from a certain ego. We deeply comprehend and judge how a certain ego or egos of lust, anger, pride, etc., are causing harm to ourselves and to others. We do so through the sword of insight carried in Christ’s left hand, a symbol of prajna or wisdom, direct insight and understanding of the mind. We also accomplish this through the scales of justice and measurement held in the hand of the Angel Michael in the center of this graphic.
Judgment pertains when we sit a specific defect under conscious scrutiny in the defendant’s chair, as in a court. We petition to our inner divinity, our inner Christ, most specifically our Divine Mother Kundalini, that we wish to eliminate this specific aggregate we have comprehended, that we want extirpated from our soul. Remember that each ego is a shell, a Klifah (plural Klipoth, “shells,” symbol of the hell realms) that traps our consciousness. The more we break those shells, the more soul, virtue, or Essence we free.
While we judge the ego in question, it’s important to not only look at the harm this aggregate or defect causes within our psyche, but we should also contemplate how we should have acted in a given situation where this ego manifested. So if we experienced an instance of pride, by comprehending that defect, we can in turn learn the appropriate virtue we should have used there and then, which would be humility.
With judgment, we place the evidence against the ego in the court of our consciousness, asking our Divine Mother to aid us. We beg to the Lords of Karma for negotiation, for help, when these specific egos relate to ancient debts we owe before the tribunals of divine justice, the Temple of Karma where Anubis officiates. We present the evidence of our judgments before the divine courts of karma and beg for mercy, for annihilation, for the destruction of these karmic defects, these truly demonic “I’s.”
The scale of judgment held in the hand of St. Michael represents the equilibration of forces achieved through the death of the ego, the balancing of karmic debts before the divine law. We must deeply contemplate, with remorse, how creating this specific ego has led us and others on the path of suffering. With remorse, with judgment, comes the next step: prayer and elimination.
The first step of the path is discovery. Followed by inner judgment or profound comprehension. Lastly follows prayer and elimination through the grace of the Divine Mother Kundalini.
We chose in this image a picture of Mithras slaying a mythological bull, and who is aided by a serpent and a hound. The bull is a symbol of the animal ego that must be annihilated, a feat achieved through the serpent Kundalini, the Divine Mother who aids us in the elimination of defects. We must pray to Her to eliminate the ego after its comprehension.
We are also aided by the hound, symbol of the sexual energy or instinct that must be directed towards the disintegration of the defect in question. A hound in Greek mythology, such as Cerberus, relates to the sexual creative energy. We must use this energy with prayer to invoke Devi Kundalini, to aid us in the death of desire.
One will supplicate (ask) the Divine Mother Kundalini, our inner and individual Mother, with much fervor. One will talk to her with frankness and introvert all the defects and faults that one has, so that She, who is the only one capable of disintegrating the “I’s,” will disintegrate them at their very roots. ―Samael Aun Weor, The Revolution of the Dialectic
This work constitutes the transformation of impressions, the work upon the residual effects of wrong psychological, unconscious transformations we experienced in this life and previous lives. While the transformation of impressions relates to how we transform the present moment during our daily life, it also refers to when we go into the mind in meditation to work against the previous, wrong transformation of impressions from the past, meaning, the work upon the psychological, pluralized “I,” because the ego constitutes bad transformations of impressions that exist within us.
In order to be able to transform our impressions [the pluralized ego, the “I”], we need to reconstruct the scene just as it happened, to find out what hurt us the most. If there is no digestion of impressions, then nourishment from them will not be attained. If there is no nourishment, the essential [solar] bodies of the Being will languish. [...] ―Samael Aun Weor, The Revolution of the Dialectic
When the ego is annihilated, impressions are transformed and the Being is nourished, fed with new knowledge, virtues, powers, conscious qualities, etc.
Good impressions should also be transformed. If during the day one has had three impressions which have affected his psychological mood, then they must be studied and transformed at night by utilizing an orderly procedure. Each “I” is connected with others; they are associated. The “I’s” conjoin together in order to form the same scene. ―Samael Aun Weor, The Revolution of the Dialectic
Study each scene of your day and the egos that emerged in them. You can dedicate however much time you need to each ego in a specific scene that requires your attention with greatest need and urgency.
If you are self-observing very well, you will find that there is a lot to meditate upon. Do not get overwhelmed, but work consistently and diligently on what is most urgent. Work on those egos that require the most attention, those that you intuitively feel require your greatest focus.
Say at work, you experienced a scene in which five egos emerged that you discovered and need to work upon due to the gravity of these faults. Thereafter, when you sit to meditate, contemplate each ego in that scene, perhaps spending fifteen to twenty minutes on each defect, until achieving comprehension.
Afterward, pray for annihilation along with vocalizing the mantra “S” or “Krim.” Visualize the ego in your three brains like a demon begin consumed by fire, or being pierced by a sword, the sword of justice held in the hand of Christ and the Divine Mother, the spear of the sexual energy that can wound the ego to death.
The vowel S in esoterism is prolonged like the hissing of a snake, the serpentine fire of Kundalini as we saw in the image of Mithras slaying the bull. The mantra sounds like this: “Ssssssssss!” This vowel can awaken sparks of Kundalini to aid you in disintegrating your defects, if you are a bachelor. Married couples can work in the sexual act, though white tantra, to pray for annihilation when husband and wife and united, pronouncing these mantras.
“Krim” is pronounced as in “Krrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmm! [as in “cream” in English, rolling the R as in Spanish]. It has the same destructive power for working against the ego.
With successive works, you will find the monstrosity of the egos in question become smaller in size, until becoming like small children. As your Divine Mother pulverizes the ego, such defects become smaller and smaller until finally being decapitated and reduced to nothingness. After annihilating egos in their totality, the disciple feels tremendous peace and immense happiness, since the Essence that was trapped within them has become liberated.
Not every ego can be destroyed in one sitting, but becomes more and more weak the less and less we feed them, the more we comprehend our errors. With consistent practice, these defects reduce in size until becoming cosmic dust, whereby the parts of the soul trapped within them becomes freed.
With patience possess ye your souls. ―Luke 21:19
Some students have asked us whether you can pray for annihilation even if you’re not sure if you’ve effectively comprehended certain egos. The Divine Mother, however, can only eliminate what you have fully comprehended. It doesn’t hurt to ask Her, but She will only pulverize an ego that has been understood in its totality. She would never eliminate an ego that has not been completely understood because to eliminate the ego, She sends it to the infernal worlds after extracting the consciousness. If your consciousness has not been freed from it yet, has not been released from its shell or conditioning, then the consciousness would be sent into hell with the ego, which the Divine Mother won’t do. She will never harm Her child, the Essence. Instead, She waits for our comprehension of the ego in order to free the soul, and thereafter eliminates that specific shell or condition of mind.
Students have also asked us how we can know that certain egos are dead. You might have internal experiences about walking amongst catacombs or graves. I’ve personally had this experience, where I found myself in a coffin being sent to the incinerator. This is a very good indication that one is dying, being purified by the flames of Christ and the Divine Mother.
Or, you experience certain ordeals and situations again where you used to react mechanically, egotistically, and no longer do so. You know the ego is dead when the internal actors that produced conflicts in specific situations are no longer acting―you simply don’t react to people the same way you used to―you don’t get caught up in tragedy, comedy, or drama. Instead of being angry at your boss, as in the example I provided earlier, you instead respond with love, with patience and comprehension. This type of experience is much more definitive and accessible. It also gives us a lot of faith in this teaching, because we see the practical results of working with Devi Kundalini.
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